


The Asset Acquires A Child

by readergirl1013



Series: The Asset Acquires A Child (AKA How Bucky Barnes Found a Baby and Thus Saved Harry Potter) [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Adoption, Baby Harry Potter, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Codenames, Family, Family Feels, Fluff and Humor, Found Family, Gen, Humor, LITERALLY, Mostly on Purpose, Nicknames, Not Names, POV Bucky Barnes, Protective Bucky Barnes, Sort Of, The Asset Uses Designations for Others, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-21 23:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13751751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readergirl1013/pseuds/readergirl1013
Summary: While on a mission The Asset witnessed the abnormal arrival of threevery oddpeople and a baby in a quiet British suburb in the middle of the night. Somehow his mission parameters changed after that without any contact from his handlers. Suddenly, even over his programmed mission, his main priority was ensuring the safety and well-being of the child that was left on the front stoop of number 4 Privet Drive.His employers will definitely understand... right?For the next several minutes The Asset occupied himself by playing a game with The Child. He would cover his eyes and pretend he did not know where The Child was, after asking, “Where’s Harry?”, several times he would uncover his eyes, say, “There’s Harry!” and smile. The Child would shriek with delight and giggle and then cover his own eyes. And then shriek and giggle again after uncovering them.The Asset believed that this game’s proper designation was ‘peek-a-boo.’ The Asset decided he enjoyed this game, particularly when The Child giggled.





	The Asset Acquires A Child

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote and finished this almost a year ago. I've been waiting to post it because I wanted someone to beta it first, however all of my usual betas are super busy, so this is un-betaed. Sorry. If anyone spots any mistakes or has constructive criticism please feel free to let me know. 
> 
> That said, this is just romp of fun. As far as traumatized assassins saving baby wizards goes. No angst, folks. A rarity for me. I wrote this because the idea of a Harry Potter raised by Bucky Barnes attending Hogwarts - and his responses to all of the situations Harry got stuck in (and Dumbledore in general) - was just too funny.
> 
> Reviews appreciated!

The Asset waited. The Asset was very good at waiting, at least, from what he could remember. Which, as The Inner Voice said, _Was not much, pal._

The Asset acknowledged that his memory functions were damaged. He had informed The Scientists, who had muttered and squeaked, and The Handlers, who had muttered and shifted warily. The Scientists and The Handlers had called The Leader. The Leader had explained.

The Asset helped The Hidden Ones. The Hidden Ones were working secretly to make the world better. The Hidden Ones wanted peace. The Asset was used to help bring about peace. The Asset killed dissenters and defectors and traitors to ensure peace. And then The Asset had to forget to protect his identity. He was the hidden among The Hidden Ones. Their hand in the world to ensure peace.

The Asset helped the world. The Asset was proud.

The Asset was helping now. The Target, Joseph Michael Collins, was a danger to the world. The Asset was to kill him. And so The Asset waited.

And waited.

And waited.

_Because jeez Louise was that fella ever gonna move?_

The Asset agreed with The Inner Voice. The Inner Voice rarely spoke, but nearly always spoke truths. Or insolent comments. Both were acceptable, and the latter highly entertaining. The Asset did not think he often had entertainment.

The Target, Joseph Michael Collins, was hiding in the high-security basement with a large quantity of surveillance equipment. The Asset could not kill The Target while he hid in the high-security basement with a large quantity of surveillance equipment.

The Asset’s orders were to kill The Target, Joseph Michael Collins, via a discrete and undetectable method and stage the scene to appear to be an accident. To ensure that The Target’s death appeared to be an accident he needed The Target to vacate the high-security basement. And then The Asset would kill The Target while ensuring his presence was undetected.

The Asset had already waited six days. The Asset was prepared to wait for years but, luckily, The Target did not have the supplies for that long of a siege. Based upon The Asset’s calculations The Target had enough food for two more weeks. Three if The Target rationed.

_Fat bastard’s never missed a meal in his life and he ain’t gonna start to now. Of course the fella down the block is twice as fat and his brat’s a chip off the ol’ block._

The Asset agreed with The Inner Voice’s assessment. The Target, Joseph Michael Collins, was indeed a fat bastard. The Target was both morbidly obese and his parents had not been wed. And The Fat Civilian [designated unacceptable casualty, possible future recruit] appeared to have decided to model his appearance upon a whale, and his offspring looked like a large, round, pink ball.

The Asset shifted his stance slightly due to impeded blood flow in his right foot. Then he went absolutely still as an oddly dressed man appeared out of nowhere on the corner. The man was wearing a dress, and had long, white hair and beard.

The Odd Man then proceeded to rummage through his cloak before stopping to look at the cat on the wall outside of The Fat Civilian and his offspring’s home. The Odd Man laughed and mumbled something that even The Asset’s advanced hearing couldn’t make out before holding up a lighter. The Odd Man clicked it and the street light nearest to him went out. One by one the street lights went out as he clicked the lighter repeatedly. The Asset narrowed his eyes. That would be a useful tool in his missions to help the Hidden Ones to ensure peace.

The Odd Man spoke to the cat on the wall. He called it Professor McGonagall. The cat then turned into a woman.

The Asset had the odd desire to rub furiously at his eyes as if to clear his vision even though his eyesight remained unobstructed. Something about people appearing from nowhere, and others shifting into animals felt… familiar. The Inner Voice was silent, but The Asset could feel a deep pang of _longing_ well up in the back of his throat.

“How did you know it was me?” The Cat-Woman asked.

The Odd Man and The Cat-Woman spoke about sitting on walls for a moment before the conversation turned to the strange happenings of the day – the shooting stars he’d seen to the southeast, the man in the sky on a broom, and the many owls flitting to and fro, a number of which were not native to Britain.

 _Hyperion_.

The Asset felt… unsettled at The Inner Voice’s wistful tone.

According to The Odd Man these strange happenings were due to a celebration after there had been little to celebrate for eleven years. The Cat-Woman was upset because ‘Muggles’ had noticed. The Asset hypothesized that Muggles were people who did not dress oddly and turn into cats. The Inner Voice added quietly, _non-magical people_.

The Cat-Woman spoke in code of an unidentified person using only the pronoun You-Know-Who.  The Odd Man identified the unidentified pronoun person: _Voldemort_. The Asset suspected this to be a code name, perhaps for a French national. Voldemort was afraid of The Odd Man according to The Cat-Woman.

_It’s the color of his robe. Who wears a lime green robe with orange swirly-things and a purple cloak?_

The Asset did not disagree with The Inner Voice’s assessment of The Odd Man’s clothing. It was both easily identifiable and caused the eyes to burn if he looked too long, which might be a tactical advantage in a firefight.

Perhaps he should suggest such a color combination to The Handlers and The Leader?

_No!_

The Asset grimaced and conceded. The tactical advantage did not outweigh the fact that he would be required to wear it.

The Cat-Woman spoke of rumors. Rumors that a Lily and James Potter were dead in a place called Godric’s Hollow (presumably in Britain) at the hands of Voldemort. The Odd Man bowed his head. The Cat-Woman took this as confirmation. (High probability that Voldemort was a serial killer or terrorist.)

The Cat-Woman told The Odd Man of the rumors about the Potters’ son, Harry. He apparently could not be killed by Voldemort. That the Potters’ young son, The Child, Harry, had somehow ‘broken’ Voldemort’s powers. The Odd Man confirmed via nod.

The Cat-Woman was astounded. She babbled about many attempts to stop Voldemort. The Cat-Woman asked how The Child had survived. The Odd Man obfuscated. The Cat-Woman dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief.

The Odd Man spoke of a Hagrid being late. The Asset wanted to know who or what a Hagrid was. The Cat-Woman wanted to know why they were on Privet Drive. The Asset wanted to know this too.

He did not want to have to eliminate an extremely elderly (possibly senile) man and a middle-aged woman. He would have to if they were on Privet Drive to interfere with his mission.

The Odd Man was bringing The Child, Harry, to his Aunt and Uncle, his only family. The Cat-Woman pointed at number 4 Privet Drive, aghast. The Asset agreed – The Fat Civilian and his wife, The Long-Necked Housewife, were not suitable guardians for The Child. Their own offspring was distinctly ball-shaped and misbehaved horribly. They were obsessed with the word ‘normal’ as well.

The Cat-Woman said, “You couldn’t find two people who are less like us.”

The Asset quite agreed. The Fat Civilian, The Long-Necked Housewife, and The Pink Ball were in direct opposition to The Odd Man and The Cat-Woman.

The Odd Man claimed to have written a letter. The Asset blinked repeatedly.

_What? Tell me they’re not leaving a kid on the doorstep of that house with nothing but a fucking letter!_

The Asset agreed with The Inner Voice’s sentiments and rage, The Cat-Woman and The Odd Man should at least knock to ensure the family would take The Child in. The Cat-Woman seemed to agree with The Inner Voice as well as she yelled at The Odd Man. She yelled things about not being able to explain everything in a letter. She yelled about fame, about becoming a legend. About a future Harry Potter day.

And about ‘their world’.

The Asset paused as a curious bubble of resentment and yearning burst in his chest and the image of a man in a dress ( _robe_ ) pointed a stick ( _wand_ ) at a cup, transforming it into a blanket to tuck over a small girl. Shaking himself mentally he made sure to pay close attention to The Odd Man and The Cat-Woman again. He could analyze strange internal imagery later.

The Odd Man spoke about ensuring The Child grew up away from his (apparent) fame. The Cat-Woman did not argue.

Hagrid was apparently a person. Specifically he was the person bringing The Child, Harry, to 4 Privet Drive. The Cat-Woman did not find this a good idea. The Odd Man thought Hagrid to be quite trustworthy. The Cat-Woman agreed Hagrid was a good man, but careless.

A loud rumbling across the sky interrupted them. It was not thunder. It was a motorcycle that fell out of the sky. It had been flying.

The Inner Voice let out an incoherent squeal. The Asset scowled at The Inner Voice.

The Asset stared at The Giant that disembarked from the flying motorcycle. He was easily 3.5 m tall. Threat assessment: High.

The Odd Man identified The Giant as the Hagrid who was bringing The Child. The Child was taken from a nearly destroyed house before ‘Muggles’ swarmed. The Asset noted the assistance of a young Sirius Black (The Inner Voice perked up at the name) in procuring the flying motorcycle. And that The Child had fallen asleep over Bristol.

The Odd Man and The Cat-Woman peered into a bundle of blankets in The Giant’s arms that presumably contained The Child, Harry. The Child had apparently been scarred by Voldemort’s attack leaving a ‘curse scar’. The scar was likely on The Child’s head since it would be the only location visible while he was swaddled in blankets.The Odd Man refused to even attempt to fix the scar. Poor choice – a readily identifiable mark would make it easier for future enemies to track The Child. And infected wounds could be deadly.

_And curse scars often have lingering dark magic in them._

The Inner Voice muttered angrily as The Odd Man took the Child in his arms. The Giant began howling after pressing a kiss to The Child’s head. The Giant was not an enemy operative – far too obvious. The Cat-Woman shushed The Giant. They spoke of waking ‘Muggles’ and Harry, The Child, being sent to live with said ‘Muggles’.

The Odd Man ignored his comrades and laid The Child on the doorstep. He tucked the letter into the blankets before rejoining his comrades. For precisely 1 minute 27 seconds The Odd Man, The Cat-Woman, and The Giant stared at The Child. The Asset stared at the three, wondering why they did not alert The Fat Civilian, The Long-Necked Housewife, and their offspring to the infant on their doorstep.

The Odd Man, The Cat-Woman, and The Giant exchanged idle commentary and goodbyes. The only new piece of information gained was that The Odd Man, whom The Cat-Woman called Albus, was called Professor Dumbledore by The Giant. The three departed: The Giant, Hagrid, upon the motorcycle; The Cat-Woman, Professor McGonagall, returned to her cat state and walked off; and The Odd Man, Professor Albus Dumbledore, put the street lights back using the same device before vanishing.

After ensuring that the three had truly departed The Asset checked the status and location of The Target, Joseph Michael Collins. It was unchanged. The Asset checked the status of The Child, Harry Potter. It was also unchanged.

The Asset waited. He watched the home of The Target from a further distance than earlier. He also watched The Child. Waiting was not as easy as before. The sight of The Child lying on the doorstep made him uncomfortable due to undiscerned causes.

A harsh breeze stirred the few leaves still on the trees. The Asset shivered lightly in the cold. The Child whimpered.

The Asset stilled. He was on duty. But. But The Child had whimpered. Indecision made him flex his metal hand, the plates clicking lightly.

The Child sniffled and then whined.

The Asset broke. He cautiously began to make his way to where The Child, Harry, laid on the doorstep. He was helping to make the world better for The Hidden Ones. How could the world be better if a baby died and he could have saved it?

The Asset felt that a perfectly good explanation to give to The Handlers and The Leader if asked why he had abandoned his post. Perhaps he would evade punishment with that explanation. That was unlikely, but The Asset did not pause his movements.

The Child whimpered again, louder, before beginning to cry softly. The Asset drew nearer, ducking through the shadows to avoid any possibility of enemy surveillance. He also kept a close eye out for animals, unsure if any could also change into women or men.

After an extended period of time to ensure that the dog three doors down was not unduly interested in him, The Asset stepped into the shadows nearest The Child. He peered at the small, round face blinking up at him before leaning down and picking The Child up.

The Child sniffled and whined, peering at him curiously. The Asset looked back. The Child was approximately one year old, with large green eyes, dark tufts of hair and round cheeks ruddy with the cold. The blankets wrapped around The Child were strangely warm, but his flesh hand pressed against The Child’s cheek confirmed the boy was far too cold to be healthy.

“Shh,” The Asset said as he tucked The Child in close to his chest, following some strange instinct that he would analyze later. He smiled at the boy, tightening the blankets while ensuring that his body heat warmed him. He gently rocked The Child back and forth as he rubbed his flesh hand up and down his spine. “Shh, Child, shh,” The Asset comforted The Child. “All will be well.”

The Child peered up at him for a moment before tucking his head into The Asset’s flesh shoulder, yawning, and falling asleep. The Asset stared at the boy, fascinated. He did not know how he knew what to do to ease The Child’s cries. He did not know why the boy had felt safe enough to sleep in his arms. No one felt safe around him.

The Asset moved to the side of the doorway with the best view of The Target, Joseph Michael Collins’, house. The Child sighed in its sleep and The Asset was unable to refrain from smiling as he sat down on the dead grass. Shifting slightly The Asset moved so that he had a clear view of the inflamed cut on The Child’s forehead.

He scowled; the cut did not look like it had been tended to at all. And it’s resemblance to a lightning bolt, as well as its placement, made it a very distinctive mark that The Child’s enemies could use to identify him in the future. The Asset reached into his pocket to remove the small first aid kit he was allotted for the mission.

“Sorry Child,” The Asset said as he cleaned the cut with a disinfectant wipe. The Child woke up crying, but The Asset managed to quiet it by reciting a story he did not know he knew. After thoroughly sanitizing the wound The Asset covered it in antibiotic ointment and then bandaged it with butterfly bandages. It could probably use a good stitch or two but The Asset had no localized anesthetic and would not subject an infant to such pain.

The Child sniffled as The Asset peered at the wound, assessing his treatment of it. It would suffice until The Child was able to receive proper medical treatment and cosmetic surgery to disguise any scar left by the cut.

_And possibly a blessing by a priest and a word with a few goblins, if the old nut wasn’t lying about the mark being cursed. Don’t want any dark magic on my boy._

The Asset paused, but concurred with the Inner Voice after some consideration. At the very least, a blessing from a priest would not harm The Child, even if he was unsure what (or where) goblins were. He was not sure how he felt about curses and magic, but The Inner Voice apparently believed in such things. Besides, if The Child had truly been cursed The Asset knew it would need to be fixed quickly.

The Asset spent most of the night like that. He kept watch on The Target’s home, ensuring he did not leave, but most of his attention was kept occupied by The Child. Snuggled into his arms the baby slept, trusting The Asset to keep him warm and safe. The Asset felt warmth surging through his chest as those same strange instincts urged him to keep a careful eye on The Child, lest he disappear.

So many things had disappeared over the years, impressions and hollows left where something once was in The Asset’s memory. He does not want The Child to disappear along with everything else he has lost.

Shortly before gray light would begin to grow along the horizon The Child shifted, knocking the letter left with him lose. The Asset carefully reached down to pick it up in his metal hand. He did not think it contained any dangerous substances but caution never hurt.

Looking the envelope over The Asset arched one brow. It was not written on paper, but rather parchment. The handwriting was ornate and flowing. It was addressed to “Mrs. Petunia Dursley.” The envelope was sealed with a seal pressed into red wax. The seal contained four animals- a lion, a snake, a bird, and a badger. He touched it briefly, that same longing and bitterness both were welling up in his chest. The Inner Voice was barely audible, but The Asset heard nonetheless.

 _Hogwarts_.

The Asset hesitated before pulling out his lock picks and carefully sliding one under the wax so that the envelope opened but the seal didn’t break. The intelligence gathered from listening to the three who had left The Child was lacking – what if there were a threat on his life? The Fat Civilian and The Long-Necked Housewife would be unable to handle the issue. He was stationed here anyways, so he might as well make himself useful and protect The Child since The Target seemed content to remain in his basement.

Opening the letter, The Asset read:

 

_Mrs. Petunia Evans Dursley,_

_It is with great sorrow that I must inform you of the passing of your dear sister, Lily Evans Potter. As I’m certain you are aware the dark wizard, Lord Voldemort, has for some time been attempting to conquer our world. Your sister and her husband joined the fight against him shortly after school. Both Lily and James Potter were exceptional people – bright, loyal, and courageous. They will be sorely missed._

_Although all of our lives will be poorer for the loss Lily and James, their son, Harry, has survived. It is he who is lying before you – the only survivor of the Potter family._

_Lily and James had gone into hiding shortly before to Harry’s birth as they did not wish to risk the life of their son. You see the Dark Lord had ordered their deaths for fighting against him. Sadly, on All Hallows Eve, Lord Voldemort discovered where Lily and James were hiding and immediately set off to their house._

_James and Lily gave their lives in defense of their son, and then Lord Voldemort turned his attentions to young Harry, intent on destroying the Potter family in its entirety. And yet their son, your nephew, survived._

_In order to save Harry’s life Lily performed an act of sacrificial magical protection. And this is why Harry must be placed with you. His mother’s protection is tied with the blood of her family, her closest relative – you, Petunia. His, and your, continued safety depends upon this. Harry must reside with you, Petunia._

_In doing so both he, and your family, will remain safe from reprisal from the Dark Lord’s followers. For there is no doubt that his loyal Death Eaters will seek revenge upon Harry and his relations. Perhaps his residence with your family will protect you all even from Lord Voldemort himself. You see, Petunia, Lord Voldemort’s body was destroyed that night when he tried to kill young Harry, but his soul lives on. He is weak and feeble, without corporeal form, but it will not stop him for long. He will attempt to return, and he will come for Harry – and for your family._

_Due to the inherent love in Lily’s sacrifice, and your relation to her, I have been able to set up powerful blood wards around your home. They will permit none with any wish to harm either Harry or yourselves into the vicinity of your home. The moment you accept young Harry into your home as a member of your family, to raise him alongside your own son, the wards will be erected._

_Your sister’s love for Harry, through you, will protect you all._

_These protections will last until Harry comes of age when he turns seventeen. Without the presence of the blood wards I fear for you, for there is no telling what harm may befall your family if the Death Eaters discover your location. Harry’s place in your home secures not only his protection, but yours as well._

_My Most Sincere Condolences,_

_Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

 

The Asset re-read the letter three times, memorizing the information contained within, before replacing the letter in the envelope and resealing it using a lighter to carefully reheat the back of the wax. The Asset sat back against the wall, a portion of his attention on The Target’s home, and the rest on the small boy in his arms. Adjusting his grip he tucked The Child in closer to his chest, rocking him lightly. The Child cooed in his sleep and turned towards him, one hand grasping the strap to his holster. The Asset smiled.

It was odd to smile. He did not remember ever doing so before.

As he gently rocked The Child The Asset analyzed the contents of the letter. While not all of the coded terms made sense to him, as they were beyond his briefing, he was able to put together a basic timeline and to understand the basic facts.

   1. There was a hidden and/or discrete civil war ( _Nothin’ new there_ , The Inner Voice commented)  
   2. The ‘dark wizard Lord Voldemort’ led one faction, his followers were known as the ‘Death Eaters’  
   3. The Odd Man, Albus Dumbledore, Lily and James Potter, and, presumably, The Cat-Woman, and The Giant were on the other side  
   4. Lily and James Potter were the parents of The Child, Harry Potter  
   5. The ‘dark wizard Lord Voldemort’ had targeted Lily and James Potter  
   6. Lily and James Potter had gone into hiding with The Child, Harry Potter  
   7. Lily and James Potter’s location had been compromised  
   8. The ‘dark wizard Lord Voldemort’ had attacked the hiding place of Lily, James, and The Child, Harry Potter on 31 October  
   9. The ‘dark wizard Lord Voldemort’ had killed Lily and James Potter, but not killed The Child, Harry Potter  
   10. The Odd Man, Albus Dumbledore, hypothesized Lily Potter had enacted a form of sacrificial protection which saved The Child, Harry Potter’s, life  
   11. The Odd Man, Albus Dumbledore, hypothesized that The Child, Harry Potter, had somehow defeated the ‘dark wizard Lord Voldemort’ despite being an infant  
   12. The Child, Harry Potter, would likely become famous for his defeat of ‘the dark wizard Lord Voldemort, according to The Cat-Woman, Professor McGonagall  
   13. The Odd Man, Albus Dumbledore, had placed The Child, Harry Potter with his aunt, The Long-Necked Housewife, Petunia Evans Dursley due to ‘powerful blood wards’  
   14. The Odd Man, Albus Dumbledore, sent The Giant, Hagrid, to collect The Child, Harry Potter  
   15. The Cat-Woman, Professor McGonagall, did not approve of the placement of The Child, but bowed to pressure (and possibly unspoken-of blackmail) from The Odd Man, Albus Dumbledore  
   16. The Child, Harry Potter, was left on his maternal relations doorstep  
   17. The Odd Man, Albus Dumbledore, had not done anything that could be construed as said ‘powerful blood wards’ and thus may return sometime soon  
   18. Multiple coded words, phrases, and aliases to be deciphered, from both conversation and letter

  * Muggle
  * Lord Voldemort
  * Curses
  * Dark
  * Wizard
  * Magic
  * Dark Lord
  * Magical Protection
  * Sacrificial Magic
  * Death Eaters
  * Blood Wards



   19. Multiple technologies to request use of from The Hidden Ones for future missions

  * Device to turn off street lights
  * Device to camouflage/transform human form into animal form
  * Device to detect others in animal form
  * Flying vehicle
  * Teleportation Device



The Inner Voice knew more than it was saying. Typically (at least The Asset thought it was typically) The Asset did not attempt to interrogate or somehow absorb the knowledge of The Inner Voice, this might need to be reevaluated in order to fully protect The Child.

The Asset removed several listening devices from their storage pouch and quickly and discretely went around the house, attaching them near the windows around the downstairs. The sun was rising. It had nearly crossed the horizon when The Asset heard the occupants of 4 Privet Drive begin to stir. The Asset sighed.

Without knowing why The Asset pressed his lips to The Child’s cheek in a kiss. Tucking The Child tightly into its still oddly warm blanket, he gently placed The Child onto the front stoop once more.  With one final light caress of The Child’s silky hair, he retreated to his previous position to keep watch on The Child.

Not ten minutes later The Long-Necked Housewife opened the door to put out the milk bottles and screamed, loud and high-pitched. It woke up The Child, and he began to wail. Inside the house The Fat Civilian awoke, cursing loudly as he stumbled and banged down the stairs to where The Long-Necked Housewife stood frozen in the doorway.

The Asset resisted the urge to leave his position, grab The Child, and flee. He had a mission to complete – the death of The Target, Joseph Michael Collins. The Child was with its family, The Child would be taken care of.

_And I’ll be around the first few weeks to make sure he is._

The Asset nodded firmly. He would ensure The Child was cared for before the end of his mission. No matter what.

He spent the morning listening to the residents of 4 Privet Drive. By noon, after a long and loud discussion on The Child, The Fat Civilian and The Long-Necked Housewife determined that they were unable to care for The Child properly. The Child did not have any papers, such as a birth certificate or NHS registration with him. How could they be certain he even was The Long-Necked Housewife’s sister’s son? The Fat Civilian questioned.

Also, they were unable to afford to raise a second child. Apparently, they were living above their means, and The Fat Civilian’s position at a drill manufacturing firm was not as lucrative as they implied to the neighbors. Their new car had left them in debt, although The Asset observed they had still purchased their round infant an excessive amount of candy and a new toy.

The Fat Civilian and The Long-Necked Housewife swiftly determined they were unable to raise one of ‘that sort’.

The Asset frowned. The Child would go to an orphanage if its maternal relatives were unable and unwilling to care him. The Asset could not allow that to happen. Orphanages were entirely unsuitable.

He did not know why but he distrusted orphanages. They weren’t safe. The children did not eat enough. The staff were often cruel. They were often unclean and someone got sick often.

Someone.

Someone.

But… who? Who got sick?

The Asset searched his mind. Strained his meager memory for any recollection.

_Let it go, pal. It’ll come when it comes, it’ll only cause you a headache to strain so much._

The Inner Voice was kind. The Asset did not listen at first, but no memories came. The Inner Voice proved correct, The Asset got a bad headache.

The Asset disregarded his headache. Physical pain was inconsequential. Only the completion of the mission mattered. The Asset’s mission was to kill The Target, Joseph Michael Collins, and to protect The Child.

At all costs.

The Asset listened to The Fat Civilian and The Long-Necked Housewife plan what to do with The Child. Eventually they settled on bringing The Child directly to the police. It was illegal to abandon a child in the United Kingdom. They could not simply drop The Child off, The Fat Civilian complained.

At 12:32 PM, The Long-Necked Housewife set off for the local police station, while The Fat Civilian remained home with their round, pink infant. At 16:27 PM The Long-Necked Housewife returned home, informing The Fat Civilian that the police said they’d done the proper thing and that the person who had abandoned The Child would be prosecuted, and The Child would be well taken care of.

The Asset determined he would track The Child following the death of The Target to ensure he was well cared for and safe.

If The Target took more than a week to slip up and allow The Asset to kill him he would find a way to stage an accident. The Child would have disappeared into the system after too long. The Child must be kept safe.

The Fat Civilian, The Long-Necked Housewife, and their offspring spent the rest of the day engaged in what The Asset assumed were typical civilian activities of leisure. The Target went to bed at 22:30 and was asleep by 23:00. The Fat Civilian and The Long-Necked Housewife went to bed at 22:00 and were asleep by 22:35, after engaging in 12.3 minutes of coitus. Their offspring had been put into its crib at 20:00.

The Asset, used to the patterns of Privet Drive (other than the previous night) had decided to engage in 4 hours of sleep beginning at 23:57. He was woken 33.7 minutes earlier than planned.

_I’m gonna fucking murder whoever this asshole is._

The Inner Voice was not pleased. The Asset strongly agreed with The Inner Voice. Especially when he discovered who had woken him, and why.

The Odd Man was back. He was holding The Child. He was bringing The Child back to The Long-Necked Housewife and her husband.

Why? Why would he do that? The Long-Necked Housewife and The Fat Civilian had surrendered The Child to the police. They did not want The Child (although The Asset could not understand why _anyone_ would not want The Child).

The Odd Man deposited The Child on the doorstep once more. He sighed, “Sometimes, young Harry, we must make sacrifices to ensure the Greater Good. I’m sure Petunia will understand that.”

The Asset scowled. He could not disagree with The Odd Man’s statement. After all, he was the one who made the sacrifices occur to ensure The Hidden Ones continued secrecy and effectiveness.

However, The Asset did not understand how leaving an unwanted child with those who had rid themselves of him was ‘the Greater Good’. Perhaps the answer would be in the new letter that The Odd Man was leaving with The Child.

The Odd Man disappeared again. This time The Asset watched closely. The Odd Man literally disappeared ( _disapparated,_ The Inner Voice whispered). The only sign he had was the soft _crack_ that occurred the instant he did.

The Asset waited for a mere 11 minutes and 18 seconds before heading for The Child. It was even colder that night than it had been the previous night. He took the circuitous route again. But as soon as he was near he lifted The Child into his arms. The Child blinked at him blearily, barely awake.

“Hello Child,” he said softly, smiling down at the baby. He tucked The Child into his chest, running his flesh hand along The Child’s back. “All will be well,” he assured.

The Asset spent three extremely pleasant hours holding The Child. It was a novel experience for The Asset. Not only had he experienced pleasure, but he had for two days in a row and could remember both times. Both times were due to The Child.

Reading the letter The Odd Man had left with The Child this time provided The Asset with no new intelligence. It was simply a reiteration of the first note, with slightly more dire warnings and subtle threats. He resealed the note after he finished

The Asset enjoyed spent the night holding The Child again. Comforting and rocking him. To The Asset’s surprise he even found himself humming to The Child. Trying to keep him calm.

The morning came too soon, and The Asset did not want to put The Child down. But he knew he must. Once again he left as The Long-Necked Housewife arose. Once again she woke The Child screaming.

The Asset scowled as The Fat Civilian once more drove The Child away complaining about funds. Back to the police station. The Asset needed to finish this mission and eliminate The Target so that he could ensure The Child was well cared for.

On the third night The Odd Man once more brought back The Child. And The Asset once more held The Child as he slept. That night as he pressed a kiss to The Child’s cheek before departing, The Child woke. He blinked sleepily up at The Asset. Then he leaned in and pressed a sloppy kiss of his own to The Asset’s check before going back to sleep. It took all of The Asset’s willpower to place The Child down. He could not prevent his flesh hand from touching the wet spot The Child had kissed.

On the fourth night The Odd Man was back again. He had another letter and a scowl on his face. The Asset felt a thrill of pleasure at reading The Odd Man’s increasing frustrations with The Long-Necked Housewife. The Asset hummed a happy tune to The Child, rocking him carefully. He gave The Child two kisses, one on each cheek, as he put him down that morning.

On the fifth night, when The Odd Man returned once more, The Asset felt the distinct urge to kick him in the buttocks.

_Sock him right in the kisser! Use the robot arm!_

That too was acceptable. Once again The Inner Voice provided solid advice. Four times now The Odd Man had deposited The Child with The Long-Necked Housewife and The Fat Civilian. Four times they had deposited The Child with the local authorities.

Did The Odd Man expect a different outcome? The Fat Civilian and The Long-Necked Housewife would be no more welcoming the fifth morning than they had been on any other.

_Definition of insanity, pal. Doin’ the same thing over and over and expectin’ a different result._

The Asset withheld a sigh of agreement at The Inner Voice’s insight. Listening to The Inner Voice more closely had proved to be both enlightening and entertaining.

Still, he did not understand why The Odd Man was so determined that The Child was to be raised in the same household as The Fat Civilian and The Long-Necked Housewife. The more he had observed the family the more he was certain they did not deserve The Child. They were small-minded and materialistic, more concerned about themselves than the good of the state.

The Child would never grow to be a productive member of society raised in such a house.

Such was obvious with The Fat Civilian and The Long-Necked Housewife’s offspring – not yet eighteen months and spoiled rotten already. The Asset, despite serious consideration and close surveillance, could not see any reason why The Odd Man continued to leave The Child with the family that resided at number 4. The ‘wards’ he had written of were surely of less import than The Child’s future well-being? After only five days of finding The Child on the doorstep, The Long-Necked Housewife had come to resent him.

She had cursed at him the fifth morning. That day, rather than the police station, The Fat Civilian had dropped The Child on the doorstep of a church in a neighboring town. On the sixth morning, after a prolonged period of swearing, The Long-Necked Housewife had ignored The Child’s cries from wetting his diaper to feed her own son. She finally changed his diaper only moments before handing The Child to her husband.

“Perhaps a Catholic Church this time, Vernon. _They_ must know we’re Church of England,” she had said, voice filled with despair.

The Fat Civilian held The Child at arms’ length, “Right then. The nuns will take care of you. Maybe they’ll exorcise the freakishness right out of you, too.”

The seventh morning, after The Long-Necked Housewife cried at the sight of The Child, The Fat Civilian took him to leave at a Synagogue on the other side of London. On the eighth, after being whacked across the face and bruised by The Fat Civilian and The Long-Necked Housewife’s offspring with a toy truck, The Child was left on the steps of a hospital. On the ninth morning, The Child was dropped off at a different hospital.

Every night, while The Fat Civilian and The Long-Necked Housewife stayed awake later and later, The Asset kept watch. He observed The Target only sparingly, instead spending the majority of his time awaiting the return of The Child. Every night The Odd Man would bring The Child back to the doorstep of number 4, leaving behind a letter. Every night, after his departure, The Asset would go to The Child.

On the tenth night The Target, Joseph Michael Collins, made a mistake. He had consumed too much of his food and attempted to retrieve more from the nearby corner market. The Target was dead before he finished putting away the milk.

The Asset had used a needle to cause an air embolism, making sure the injection was in a well-hidden place.

The police would think it was a heart attack that killed The Target. The Hidden Ones would be pleased he had been so discrete. He watched from The Target’s bushes as The Odd Man left The Child on the doorstep once more.

The Asset was relieved. At last, he could go to The Child and take it to safety. He’d been planning this mission for the last week.

“Don’t worry Child,” he said softly as he rocked the sleeping baby, “I’ll take care of you.”

On the tenth morning, The Long-Necked Housewife again cried in despair at the sight of The Child when she warily opened the door at 07:30. The Fat Civilian looked despondent and their offspring threw his bowl (once emptied of his breakfast) at The Child.

At 08:15 The Asset walked out of his hiding place and knocked on the door. He had stolen an ill-fitting suit from a clothes line some distance away earlier that night, aware that his combat uniform would draw unwanted attention. Between the suit and a quick wash in a small pond nearby (The Asset had gritted his teeth and born the freezing waters – he’d suffered worse the last time he’d returned from completing a mission for The Hidden Ones in cryo), as well as The Inner Voice’s coaching (it had become more and more talkative as the week had passed, which was unusual since The Asset had a distinct feeling that The Inner Voice was typically silent but for the occasional comment) and he was ready to face The Long-Necked Housewife and The Fat Civilian.

The Long-Necked Housewife opened the door. “We’re not looking to buy anything,” she sneered, eyeing his clothes and hair disdainfully.

“Mrs. Dursley,” The Asset said in a prim British accent that felt only too natural, “I’m here to discuss your custody of your nephew, Harry Potter.”

“You’re- You- Oh thank the Lord!” The Long-Necked Housewife said fervently. “Vernon! Vernon! It’s one of _them_! They’ve come about the boy!”

The Asset gave a polite, socially acceptable smile as The Fat Civilian shouted in joy. He was upstairs fighting with his round offspring to get him into clothing.

“Please do come in,” The Long-Necked Housewife insisted. “And… thank you for attempting to blend in with us _normal_ folks.”

“But of course, Mrs. Dursley, but of course. Now according to my records you were recently awarded custody of the child, one Harry Potter, by the…” he hesitated briefly and The Inner Voice said, _Ministry of Magic_! “Ministry of Magic.” he finished smoothly as he sat down on a poorly patterned maroon couch in a pink room.

The Long-Necked Housewife flinched, and said bitterly, “Not by our choice.”

“Oh?” The Asset said arching a brow as if did not already know the answer.

“Indeed.” The Long-Necked Housewife pressed her already thin lips so tightly together they were barely visible. “I’ll fetch us some tea and we’ll… discuss the matter.”

The Child began wailing in another room as The Long-Necked Housewife scurried away, presumably to both prepare the tea and calm The Child. After a few minutes, in which he could hear The Long-Necked Housewife pleading with The Child to be quiet she seemed to give up, carrying the sobbing boy into the room, with a harried plea to look after him for a moment, since she immediately departed as the kettle whistled.

The Asset quickly gathered The Child into his arms. The boy’s cries stopped short, changing into sniffles as he curled up in The Asset’s arms, clinging to the blanket he’d been wrapped in when The Odd Man dropped him off on the stoop every night. “Hush, Child,” The Asset murmured. “All will be well.”

“He likes you,” The Long-Necked Housewife said, there was a bitter undercurrent to her words. She placed the tea tray down rather roughly on the table.

“I’m good with children,” The Asset ignored the brief flash of memory of brown and pink and little girls’ giggles.

The Long-Necked Housewife snorted. “I suppose that’s why they sent you out then? The… _Your sort’s_ government.”

The Asset smiled blandly, as the situation dictated. “You began to say something about taking Harry here into your custody earlier, madam?”

“We don’t… we can’t take the boy in,” she said after a moment. “We don’t have the funds, he lacks any necessary paperwork because he’s one of _you_ , and, to be frank, I don’t want to care for a wizard. I’m not fond of- of _magic_.”

“I see,” said The Asset.

The Child gurgled and grabbed for his hair. He had tied it back with a dark blue ribbon he’d taken from a little girl’s dress, but some strands were slipping out. The Child made contact, tugging on one of the locks. The Asset carefully removed the pudgy fingers.

“So you would like to relinquish custody then?”

“Yes,” said The Long-Necked Housewife with great relief. “Yes, we would.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem madam. We’ll simply…” he hesitated again and The Inner Voice filled in, _Draw up a contract! Signed in blood so it’s permanent!_ “We’ll simply draw up a contract where you revoke The Child’s custody, and grant it to me.”

“Oh! Oh yes! Just a moment, I think…” The Long-Necked Housewife rushed out of the room. The Asset could hear her rummaging around upstairs.

She returned fairly quickly with a fountain pen and a few pieces of odd paper.

 _Parchment_.

“My sister gave me a parchment stationery set for Christmas several years back,” The Long-Necked Housewife said quietly. Her finger traced along the delicate embellishment. “It was too beautiful to put in the bin.”

“It’ll work perfectly Mrs. Dursley,” The Asset smiled, as was socially appropriate. He went to take the parchment, but The Long-Necked Housewife drew it back towards her.

“I’d like to draw up the contract, if you please. I… I want to make sure the boy is properly taken care of.” She hesitated then added quietly, “My sister had a book on _your_ laws and such, I used to want to be a barrister as a girl and read through it to see how it differed from normal laws. I know what _your_ _sort_ need written.”

The Asset nodded, having The Long-Necked Housewife do it simplified things. “That’s fine Mrs. Dursley, just so long as you listen to any requirements I may have.”

“Of course.” She turned to the parchment and started to write, grimacing occasionally.

For the next several minutes The Asset occupied himself by playing a game with The Child. He would cover his eyes and pretend he did not know where The Child was, after asking, “Where’s Harry?”, several times he would uncover his eyes, say, “There’s Harry!” and smile. The Child would shriek with delight and giggle and then cover his own eyes. And then shriek and giggle again after uncovering them.

The Asset believed that this game’s proper designation was ‘peek-a-boo.’ The Asset decided he enjoyed this game, particularly when The Child giggled.

Eventually, The Long-Necked Housewife looked up. “I think… this ought to do it.”

The Asset settled The Child against him and took the parchment from her hand.

 

_I, Petunia Ann Dursley, nee Evans, do hereby and forevermore revoke any claim to my nephew, Harry James Potter. As his maternal aunt and former guardian, I do hereby grant custody of Harry James Potter to the undersigned. The undersigned vows on their life and magic to ensure Harry James Potter is raised to the best of their abilities. The undersigned vows that Harry James Potter shall be their child in life, love, blood, magic, and name._

__________________________                       

 

The Asset read through the letter carefully. It was nearly as odd as The Odd Man’s letter had been. But sensible.

“This will do fine, Mrs. Dursley.” The Asset smiled.

The Long-Necked Housewife smiled back. “You’ll… you’ll make sure he’s alright, won’t you? It’s just…” she bit her lip and looked away. “My sister and I, we weren’t on good terms. I didn’t… _your_ _sort_ took her away from me. She came back from school a completely different person. But that doesn’t mean… I just want her son to be alright. To grow up well, even if he is one of you.”

“Mrs. Dursley,” The Asset said solemnly, “I will do everything in my power to ensure The Child is safe and well. It is my number one priority.”

“Thank you,” she said softly. The Asset looked away as she discreetly wiped a tear away and ignored her murmured, “Oh, Lily.”

She sniffled and said stiffly, “Please, excuse me for a moment. Allergies, you understand,” before walking away to the kitchen. The Asset could hear muffled crying.

The Asset took that time to sign the parchment with the name The Inner Voice told him to. The Asset was unsure if this was his name. Assets did not have names. The Inner Voice said using it would ensure he was able to protect The Child from any who would harm him. The Child was his primary mission. So The Asset signed the parchment with the name he was instructed to.

 _Put seven drops of your blood on the parchment_.

The Inner Voice’s request was unusual. Even for The Inner Voice. Yet, The Asset complied; The Inner Voice had not yet steered him wrong. With his best knife he carefully allowed seven drops of blood onto the parchment. His eyes widened involuntarily as the contract flashed gold. Quickly he folded it and placed it in a pocket

_Good. Prick the little one’s finger and touch it to your own bloody finger. Hold it for three counts of seven. Then say, ‘Blood of my blood I name you my son in life, love, blood magic, and name.’ It’s simple, but should work. It’s all about intent – as long as you, we, want the boy he’ll become ours._

The Asset frowned at the thought of causing The Child any pain but reluctantly followed The Inner Voice’s orders. He did intend to keep The Child after all.

The Asset and The Child both flashed gold this time. The Child cried due to the finger prick and bright light. The Asset was comforting him when The Long-Necked Housewife returned.

“Mrs. Dursley,” The Asset stood before she could sit back down. “I received a message from my superiors while you were out of the room. They’d like me to return forthwith. Apparently, there’s a slight situation back at the office – nothing to worry about, simply a bit of a paperwork snafu from my last case. Apparently, the person processing it for the court lost one of the forms.”

“Oh. Yes, of course,” said The Long-Necked Housewife as she wrung her hands in the doorway.

The Asset gave her a small, polite smile. “Thank you for your hospitality. The tea was quite lovely. Is there anything of Harry’s I should take with me?”

“Thank you for, for coming by. And no, he was dropped off with nothing but the blanket he’s holding.” The Long-Necked Housewife was watching the Child.

She was also standing in the way of the exit, and while The Asset was perfectly capable of getting around her he did not desire to force her out of the way. He did not like violence. He blinked at the thought. Not like… his job was violence; to use violence to make the world a better place for The Hidden Ones.

“Might I say goodbye?” The Long-Necked Housewife’s voice dragged him out of his thoughts.

Although The Asset wished to depart as soon as possible in order to report the success of his mission, as well as to explain his acquisition of The Child, he acquiesced. “Certainly.”

The Long-Necked Housewife reached for The Child and The Asset reluctantly handed him to her. She smiled down at him and kissed his cheek, breath hitching slightly. The Child smiled at her and patted her cheek, cooing nonsense words.

“He has Lily’s smile,” she said softly, “I hadn’t realized. Her eyes, oh that was the first thing I noticed. I thought everything else was just like that scoundrel husband of Lily’s. But his smile, that’s my sister’s smile.”

The Asset said nothing. It was good to know that, to tell The Child in the future.

“Goodbye, Harry,” The Long-Necked Housewife said softly, soft tears rolling down her cheeks. “You- you grow up to be wonderful.”

She handed The Child back to The Asset after one last kiss to his temple and led him to the front door. The Asset could see doubt creep onto her face and said, “You’re doing the right thing, Mrs. Dursley. I’ll make sure he knows that he was given to us because his aunt loved him, but knew he’d be happier with us.”

The Long-Necked Housewife’s face crumpled and her shoulders shook. She looked to be on the verge of tears. “When,” she choked out, “when he’s older tell him he’s welcome to visit. I’d like to, to meet my sister’s boy.”

The Asset nodded and exited the house. He felt very exposed on the sunny drive. “Goodbye, Mrs. Dursley.”

“Goodbye,” she replied automatically.

The Child looked over The Asset’s shoulder. “Bye-bye!” he waved at his aunt.

The Asset glanced over his shoulder as he reached the end of the drive. The Long-Necked Housewife was openly crying and waving after them. Her husband, The Fat Civilian, was watching them depart from the upstairs window. She said, just loud enough for them to hear, “Bye-bye, Harry.”

The Asset had the strange urge to toss them a salute but suppressed it. Instead, he gave her a stiff nod and disappeared into the shadows and recesses he’d hidden in for the last sixteen days to collect his gear. He had elected to remain in the ill-fitting suit as operating covertly was one of his primary objectives. A man in a combat uniform with a child would be noticed. A man in a suit with a child and a black duffle bag would appear a harried father traveling with his child.

Once he had gathered his gear and The Child they disappeared from Little Whinging. The Asset was to report to The Hidden Ones immediately at the most recently updated base location. He was forbidden from returning to where he had deployed from, as the site was being decommissioned.

The Child was on one hip, and his gear bag slung over his other shoulder when The Inner Voice spoke up.

_Uh, pal, two things. One, the kid just messed his nappy and you’re gonna need another one, pronto. Plus, you know, food and milk and stuff. And two (and I’m beyond thrilled to tell you this, I’ve been waitin’ decades for those assholes to fuck up), they didn’t update the base location. You’re on your own. You – We are free. I’m free._

_I’m free._

_I am free. I’m not going back. And I’m takin’ my boy with me._


End file.
